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Would you date someone who is "undetectable"?

Discussion in 'Health - Physical/Mental' started by AmandaRDB, Nov 30, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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This thread is being watched by 5 users.
  1. AmandaRDB

    AmandaRDB Lurker

    Nov 30, 2020
    Hertfordshire UK
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Pretty much as the title suggests - would you hook up with someone who told you they were HIV "undetectable" ? That should mean any sexual encounters should be fine but would the fact they are HIV put you off them ?
  2. DiamondRose

    DiamondRose Curious Explorer
    Beloved Member

    May 1, 2017
    +55 / 0 / -0
    It wouldn’t put me off. Would safe sex still be important? Yes.
  3. Lv4music

    Lv4music Reliable Advisor
    Beloved Member

    Dec 29, 2019
    +445 / 1 / -0
    The thing that puts me off is the drug companies advertising. It may be undetectable,but I prefer someone being honest,cuz I'm quite certain the drug companies ARE NOT. I would have to trust the individual to be honest with me, in that case I would do what it takes to be with them.
  4. Simple_Man

    Simple_Man Just a regular guy
    Supporter Beloved Member

    Aug 14, 2020
    +435 / 0 / -1
    I would and i have.
    I dont think that is something that should make a difference. Of course honesty and safe sex is very important in any situation hiv positive or not
  5. viole[n]t illusions

    viole[n]t illusions remember the times we were in love with our lives?
    Beloved Member

    Sep 16, 2016
    a place where the sun is silent.
    +61 / 0 / -1
    Ehm, it would have to depend.

    At the very least, I would need to be informed beforehand so we could have an in depth discussion, possibly some testing and research and stuff.

    When I'm in a monogamous relationship, I do like having sex sans condoms so that would be difficult.
    However, if I really loved someone, I don't see how it would matter.

    But I do lean towards saying no, just because I had a bad experience before.

    -adult content incoming-

    Basically, in my "get drunk and hoe" days, I met a dude at a bar and we kinda clicked, exchanged info, met up again, and went to his empty office to hook up. Condoms were not used, although they were bought, so I don't know why they weren't.

    Fast forward to almost a month later, we'd hung out a few times but not had sex again (that I can remember right now anyway) and he'd told me that he had a secret that he wasn't ready to share because of the stigma. I didn't understand, because I have my own things and I prefer to say them up front. If something is gonna be a dealbreaker for you, I'd rather know that before anyone catches feelings. But he didn't feel the same so I respected it.
    Anyway we went to my fave bar and were hanging out doing shots and whatever and talking and it came up. Turns out he contracted it from his mom so had it since birth and was always taking the medicine, so it was undetectable or whatever.

    But I left and I never spoke to him again.
    It wasn't his status. It was that he didn't tell me up front. Didn't tell me before having sex. Didn't insist on wearing a condom. Didn't give me the chance to make an informed decision for myself....!!!

    Luckily he hadn't cum that time we did it and I got tested and it came back negative. But I was livid regardless.
    I think actually I did reply to his text to tell him it wasn't the stigma, it was my lack of knowledge beforehand, so hopefully no other girl is ever exposed like that.
    But idk, I don't remember if I said that or just thought I did lmao

    But yeah, moral of the story :
    I absolutely 100% think a person should be told up front and immediately so they can make their own choice.

    Had I been told, I probably would have declined having sex with him.

    And that makes me think there was sinister intentions on not saying first.


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