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Bisexual Navigating bisexuality while married

Discussion in 'Bisexual & Pansexual' started by MarriedBiDadof4, Nov 29, 2020.  |  Print Topic

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  1. MarriedBiDadof4

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    I'm new to posting on a forum and well, really talking about it outside of my therapist's office, but here goes.

    I'm 39, been married for 22 years. Have 4 children with my best friend of 24 years. Came out to her when I was 24 or 25, (I don't exactly remember). Our relationship has seen its ups and downs as we've navigated throughout the years, and I'm realizing it's almost all been due to my bisexuality. As I've gotten older I've realized I'm not really that attracted to other women as much as men, with the exception of my wife and a few others. Our marriage is open for me to be with other men, because my wife knows she doesn't have the "equipment" necessary to fulfill that need. I still really long for a personal intimate relationship with a man. I get questioned all the time about if I'm more gay than straight and I hate the fact that people still toss that around like it's a thing. I'm 100% bisexual, and that's all that matters.

    I go back and forth on if I think I will be truly happy the way things are, and continue to try and find a man that is willing to be exclusive to me on a queer level and my wife to me on that side, or if I think I will be happier in a male only relationship. I do know that I will always want intimacy with a man, and don't necessarily need a women, but I love my wife and my kids. I love being sexual with my wife. I don't know... Just confused on what it all means I guess. More fodder for my therapist...
     
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  2. Doglover44
    Complacent

    Doglover44 Active Veteran
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    Welcome im married 10 years and Bisexual too
     
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  3. Ciaran73

    Ciaran73 Greenhorn

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    I'm 47, married with two kids (grown up now) and been with my wife for 32 years. My wish is that she will allow us to open up our marriage for me to experience intimacy with a man and quell my urges.
     
  4. Webb

    Webb Greenhorn
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    I'm 52 with a wife and teenaged daughter. My wife knows I'm occasionally attracted to men. We talked to a counselor when it first came up, and essentially decided that it didn't have to mean anything to the relationship if we're still committed to each other. This was over 10 years ago.

    During the pandemic I've had more time to come to terms with the attraction. Things are a bit more complicated now because we stopped having sex a couple of years ago. It's too painful for my wife, and she's no longer willing to use a lubricant due to the health risks.

    How does the attraction work for you guys? I'm physically drawn to sex with women, but I think I would enjoy intimacy with the right man as well, and I sense that it might be more emotionally fulfilling, partly because he would simply understand me better.

    My wife and I really like each other and make a good team. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't go for the idea of me being intimate with a man. MBD4, how much time did it take to reach the agreement you have with your wife? I'm envious, or at least as much as someone could be without ever having had a romantic encounter with someone of the same gender.
     
  5. Vanessa Michelle
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    I can sure identify with a lot of this. I am definitely pansexual, AMAB, but also a pre-op trans woman, only recently started thinking about transitioning to female in the future. I am married with 2 kids and my wife does not know about my orientation. I have hidden it my whole life because we are Christians and the traditional view in the Church is less than favorable towards these things. Anyway, as for how it works for me, I am very sexually attracted to women and some men. I love being in an intimate or romantic relationship with a woman, and only recently asked myself if I would want that with a man or if I think I am only sexually attracted to them. I now believe I would seek a relationship with a man if I was no longer married. I would also strongly consider the medical transition to female as well. I have known my whole life I am bi or pan, I now realize I am pansexual. I find the more I entertain the thought of being with a man in a loving and sexual relationship, the more I want that someday.
     
  6. Ross Marton

    Ross Marton Greenhorn
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    I am bisexual and married. My wife has always known. She tells me she knew before we were married. Our relationship is unusual in that she has maintained male partners right throughout our marriage and I have always had someone as well. It definitely would not work for most but it works well for us.
     
  7. Johnnybisexual

    Johnnybisexual Lover of Penis and Vagina
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    Webb, I am in a somewhat similar situation, I have a desire to perform oral sex on other men, which I do, outside of Covid. It’s a “don’t ask don’t tell” situation with my wife. She knows that I love to do it, so I have tactic approval, but she doesn’t want to know when it happens. As far as the lubrication issue, it’s quite common after menopause, but what health issues are you talking about with lubricants? We use KY Jelly very successfully. My wife is nearly 66, I am 64 and neither one of us could live without intercourse. I use Viagra, she uses KY and away we go. I am really curious to hear about any issues with lubricants. We will not use hormone replacement therapy because of health risks, but we aren’t aware of any other issues.
     
  8. Webb

    Webb Greenhorn
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    She explained it at the time but I don't recall the details. To be honest, the sex was already infrequent (once every few months) and hadn't been good for a long time. When we were dating I was on meds that let me go all night, but since I got off them I'm back to 0-60 in no time. So in a way, neither of us got what we signed up for in the sex department.

    There's also been the realization that much as I love my wife, sex with women has only been about physical pleasure for me. It's never been an emotionally bonding experience. As I've come to more fully accept my attraction to some men, I've wondered if it would be different.

    So anyway, maybe I'll raise the subject at some point, but it's pretty clear that she hasn't missed the intimacy. Thanks for the feedback.

    Sent from my SM-T380 using Tapatalk
     
  9. Doglover44
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    Doglover44 Active Veteran
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    Here the past 2 years since I came out I have been wanting a man more and more yet I still love my wife to bits
     

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