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Gay Are guys you just met always being honest?

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Tears, Jan 20, 2021.  |  Print Topic

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  1. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    Simple question, i wonder how do you deal with guys pretending to really like you 'pro bono' but not always really free? They never immediately share their true intentions (in case they have any hidden) and just wait until you trust them entirely. Worst is that sometimes even after years "you never know", so giving them a time isn't a complete solution. What in that case than?

    I'm curios of your ideas.
     
  2. Tzap

    Tzap Reliable Advisor
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    Don't quite understand your question, have you been hurt by someone recently that you thought may have been more than they were willing.
    If you are asking about new meets and knowing their intentions whether friendship or more, then conversations are the first place to start. Talk to them find out about their past and where they want to be in the future.
    Trust and self honesty goes a long way too. You have to trust that not everyone has any sort if hidden agenda or out to hurt you, and you maybe giving of a vibe where you seem to have a hidden agenda so your new meets won't open up to you entirely and hide their truths.
    Humans as a species often are fickle and close themselves off and if you believe most have untrue intentions then thats the vibe you emanate and true intentions will be hidden.
    Trust and honesty goes both ways. And I hope i understood your question.
     
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  3. Gigio

    Gigio Addictive Contributor
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    Me too.
    I really don’t understand the question.
    Do you refer to get knowing guys with the intention becoming boyfriends? I from my side would open up and expect the same from the other side. It’s a step by step process, the longer we know each other the more we tell each other about ourselves. Trust each other is not given from the first encounter on, its a developing process.
    If it’s your impression to be the only to “deliver” you can make it a problem. If your guy in your eyes doesn’t open up sufficiently you may decide to accept him as it is or you have to break.
    In my opinion in every relationship there are points partners don’t know about each others. It’s your decision to accept your boy as you know him or leave him while it’s nagging too much that you suspect not to know all about him.
    I was singing obviously loud with earphones in while hoovering a very gay singer’s song. Comment of my spouse “even after 35 years you can surprise me”. I still have my secrets, but we’re together.
    Don’t know if this may help?
     
  4. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    So your point is that if'll be honest with everbody, there won't be anyone faking his feelings towards me? :D  Nice try. Maybe in UK it works like that, but than with exception of London. I've seen a bit and definitely guy doing to me personal striptease 3 minutes after we firstly seen us wasn't sharing his pure intentions towards me. But that's just an example from years ago. And there are many other examples, althoough I think it's gonna be unimportant.
    I posted this thread just to know what other guys do in such situations, when any guy does seem (or worse if he doesn't but in the end it come out, he was) faking his feelings &/or intentions.

    Why you keep searching for reasons I posted this thread is for me unclear, but noone forces to answer to such "trash" than
     
  5. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    Than i am maybe gonna change the thread name.
    Just no idea what would be clear, any ideas? It's gonna ask the question, how to proceed with guys that want friendship but also are expecting myself to engage financially in it. Of course not by saying "pay me 100$ per day and i'll be your friend". But i.e. at one pride i had really nice talk with bunch of guys, it felt like we understand each other so good and than, after 2 hrs of talking they took me to quite expensive ice-cream saloon and expected me to pay whole receipt for them. I felt very confused when i heard that.
    And same situation with not even gay, just friendly talking guy 2 weeks ago, he invited me to cafe and told to pay for him after we ordered.
    So I really have no clue what are such guys intentions, dine for free? There are lots of guys that i just rather avoid after we first talk, exactly because of what was said and just what? How am i gonna find out what was the their true intention towards me? Maybe just as simple as finding out where do I hold my wallet? Or did they fall in 'love' but were too shy to share it with me? You see it's difficult to say that just basing on what they say.
     
    #5 Tears, Jan 21, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2021
  6. Gigio

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    For not mixing it up:
    The question itself was not as clear as it is now, think to understand it better now.
    The intention for posting this question is irrelevant for me, you don’t have to explain nothing.
    And we’re not talking about “trash” but about a fundamental problem in a relationship: trust each other. And that’s the same in London, wonderful Brighton, Coventry or elsewhere.
    I can only repeat myself. I would open up step by step and expect my partner to act likewise. In the end, also after having made this a problem and not gained sufficient answers, we have a relationship on that basis or I break.
    To accept another person in a relationship means also to accept his shady sides. The value is yours individually.
     
  7. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    first post was answer to Tzap regarding his speech tho ;) 
     
  8. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    but you do look at the issue still very in context of relationship (usually containing 2 persons) and i asked rather for a larger spectrum, when guys just are seeming to be possible good friends. I don't want avoid them but what can i do when they seem not honest, at least at the beginning?
    Bright example, one of best guys i ever knew told me at the beginning he has no social networks. After some months it flood out he had & has the account i asked for and he befriended me :)  Now he is being honest with me with even smallest secrets which makes me just proud... of him! :) 

    But what in case of i.e. arabic guys and popular among them method "hello my friend, i need money for my visa and we know each other so long, can you borrow me the missing part of money?" What should i do? Behave cold and act like we never knew us? or just go to bank and send him the cash expecting he is being honest? It of course depends on someones personality but how can i proove it, i still have no idea...
     
  9. Gigio

    Gigio Addictive Contributor
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    Good question,
    just working, but thinking about it.
    Might be I have an idea, but at the moment not.
    It’s about trusting a person
    for me similar to believing in something,
    that’s very individual.
     
  10. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    sure, i know it. But it's hard to entirely trust someone just immediately after you get to know each other - and that's the point of my question :p 
    How to trust when you can't trust?

    it's valid just for some guys in my case, other behave just the way i belive them all the time
     
    #10 Tears, Jan 21, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2021
  11. Gigio

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    In my eyes there’s no advice possible. You mature, you get experienced, your instincts become better, and sadly to say bad experiences make you more reluctant. During my life I happened to know a lot of different people, some became a delusion after years of being in good relationships, friendly ones without sexual intentions.

    Real intentions are not written on the forehead. So you meet a guy, he seems to be nice and at the end of the day he’s an arsehole; or you meet another guy, he’s giving small information, acts reluctant and becomes a great friend in the end.

    And that’s absolutely not a gay thing, it’s human cooperation. Whatever the intentions from the two or more of you may be, it’s a step by step thing, giving and taking. If the other side wants only to take - you retreat - or decide he’s worth it.

    Trust and believe
    There’s no mathematical logic.
    You believe and you’re happy or you don’t and are happy as well.
     
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  12. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    ...or u aren't happy :p 

    I've noticed that guys get weirder just after they discover my gay 'side', before acting quite chilled. It's mostly because of how average straight guys consider the all gays to be: looking whole life just for daddy and his ****
    And it's taking a loooot of time, energy and efforts to prove them i'm not such guy and that just if they even will give me any chance. But back to thread, that's why i belive there is anything else i could do, except of just avoiding them than at all (or letting them do the same).
    And anyway i want to hear stories from guys who have had experiences with such types :)  How did you managed to find out bad intentions or it was unclear until the end? Or maybe your worries ended just at being worries and you keept in good relations together?
    I need your feedback!
     
  13. Gigio

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    There’s a little difference between us, You know about yourself, I didn’t when I was your age. It’s not been very difficult for an older guy to seduce me (looking back: I enjoyed willingly to be the object of his desire) , I was naive and the word gay in its today meaning didn’t exist. It’s your advantage to be enlightened, if you want to, you could always say no.

    By the way, depends making friends always on the condition to have “the talk” about you being gay? I played in a soccer team, as a long distance runner (I liked Allan Sillitoe’s book) I practised with a track and field team, but I never saw a reason to talk about my sexuality. I also made close friends and during running 10 miles and more we talked also about personal issues, except sexuality.

    I enjoyed friendship with several guys without coming out. But, and that again is no gay thing, there were always guys who tried to take advantage of me, to utilise me. And here we are again: it’s giving and taking. If you realise you’re only on the giving side, try to talk about it or controlled retreat. Like sexuality also character is not written on the forehead. Step by step you realise little signs, become more and more aware of the other’s intentions, value them and in case of emergency: safety break.

    There would be no divorces if all involved persons could have been foreseeing the future.


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  14. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    We are for sure differently shaped which may have an influence at how we do see the world. In my case somehow guys quite often ask me shortly after we just get to know each other if im gay. And now what, should i deny just in order to maintain normal relations with them? Than it's sometimes even more boring when they start to ask about why i haven't an girlfriend now or even start speaking about their favourites. I could listen to that but they get than turned on by themselves (almost like selfsuck xD ) and it's 'neverending' story.

    I get too what you're saying about friendship builded on giving and taking, but once again, you can find it out only after some time, and my question is way more about the phrase when you just met someone new and he isn't most trustful guy. And despite that i want give him a chance but prefer to make it in a safe way, and just how?
    Look, there are many reasons why guy seem not be honest with you. He may have of course bad intentions but another option is that he is just to shy. Or not trusting to strangers. Or even just drunk! :D 

    I can't say much about the times you're reffering to, but i can imagine at least slightly, how hard and boring it was in previous century (and haha, my history teacher just compared actual situation with... ancient Rome where elites were having common gay intercourses xD ). But i'm telling you it's really awful now when you go trough the street i.e. in Berlin and you have situations comparable with red light district for straight guys in Amsterdam. But the difference is that almost no guy would admit or be fine with calling him "gigolo" while girls in Amsterdam or elsewhere by the road aren't often caring if someone calls them "slut" - which is of course not ok. I know what's on the end of your tongue, argument "if you aren't looking for sex, just don't go there!" But that may apply for very comerciaised Amsterdam centre or other straight guy places. Gay 'relations' are often being builded differently, as previously said the guys offering "services" often don't go straight with an offer but firstly manage to 'made you' and behave just an usual nice guy. Why would i refuse to befriend such guy? But with the time spend i discover finally what's going on his mind and that freaks me out. Just because of that i sometimes never get to know some guys and it's really demotivating in the while... Berlin is i think just best example. You just go trough normal, usual street and guys look at you like at fresh meat. Not everywhere but in few districts. I'm not even wondering what happens at beach resorts like Sitges, i never was there but i checked once couchsurfing offers for Barcelona and seen several also for Sitges... Free night was offered just for very detailed type of guys :p  Damn, that's how the world works nowdays. Almost nothing is "free". Even if claims to be so.

    There is much more i could write about but i'm still hoping someone has any working 'recipe' for making safe friendships and not constantly pushing people away - or being pushed away when i'm unwilling to go with them to top restaurants or another costly places just day or even an hour after we exchange phone numbers.

    That's it.

    BTW. Berlin dient hier für ein Beispiel auch weil Du warscheinlich schon mehrfach dort warst ;) 
     
  15. Gigio

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    Sono stato a Berlino solo una volta per una gita tantissimi anni fa. Ma per fare un esempio potremmo sempre prendere Roma, la mia città di cuore, dove ho vissuto anni migliori.

    I’ll try to reply later.
    In my eyes it’s too bad that there are no other messages. A lot of guys must have had the same experiences like you, all talking about it would be helpful for all of us. It’s a pity.
     
  16. Gigio

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    The times have changed, that’s a fact. Being your age nobody dared to ask me:”Are you gay?” But indirect questions about being still alone, not presenting a girlfriend etc. have been put. But to answer those vaguely was easier without telling lies. I see your conflict, today society is more open, more direct with queer affairs, in the consequence you’re more directly confronted with questions. And I experienced a lot of straight people who found it much interesting to put the most embarrassing questions, as if queer people are a species from planet Mars or unprotected game, who have to be examined, investigated, scanned. Always the same tiresome discussion, I’m fed up with that, and if this was your first point, I’m with you, but have no solution, might be a slap on their mouth, but this would be a bad idea.

    Fine prima parte.
     
  17. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    Haha, it wasn't my primary intention when posting the thread but i agree definitely, imagine how boring it is among straight teens who do all of the above but additionaly turn on camera and i.e. play with their dick in front of my face saying "look, he is GAAAAAAAAY!". I feel than like i landed in ZOO. It always starts from just friendly discussion, and than you can even try to end it but they will pump it up expecting everybody to support them. World is soooo sick.
    About Rome i could have simmilar feelings if only i haven't seen how full of different scams it is, same as area of Piazza Duomo in Milano. I mean, i got nice quick excursion by very young guy next to Coloseo showing how people get trapped easily, so since than i'm very untrustful regarding random met people in centre of Rome (sorry to say that)

    Grazie e prossima parte prego! (hah, i guess i'll never learn enough)
     
  18. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    But also i'm suprised that almost nobody want to share his view about their view at situation... I qualified thread as "gay" beacuse in my opinion girls are way more honest than guys regarding new friendships. Guys mostly try to arrange situation just prenteding to have pure intentions, girls don't engage them anymore when they find out i'm gay and if they don't they have either pure intentions or directly go with their business.
    And to make clear, i'm not talking about just sex, but unfortunately guys of my age or below, seem to be often just so horny they can't stop thinking about it and the issue comes at some point of our discussion even if i'm trying to avoid it.
     
  19. Gigio

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    I’m a soccer fan, played myself. Just watched AS ROMA winning, now watching Brighton and Hove Albions, my favourite English team, Palace Pier of Brighton is my avatar, so I can’t concentrate myself within this moment.

    And about Italy. I lived there for many years. You go shopping on the market and get shitty food. You go there a second time, really shitty as the first time, you go a third time to the same people and get the best, you’re family now. Never tried the male prostitutes in the little park near Colosseum, especially not three times the same. But if you’re a stranger in Rome, every Italian has a right to steal your things, to do tricks etc. And that’s no gay thing.

    L’intermezzo finito.
    Aspettiamo sempre la seconda parte.
     
  20. Tears
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    Tears Earl-gey with honey.
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    And again it's also not a gay thing, but that guy actually was able to proove it looks different in case of gay people.
    He came to me like friend and left like friend, moreover he winked to me the next day when he has randomly seen me. We haven't spoke about sex at all but what i meant was that he just shared with me what's going on in Rome on the daily routine and that's why i haven't much experiences about which i tried to talk in this thread. i just freaked out after that, meanwhile anyways letting someone to steal my bag, and yeah... I'm always careful being there. Or at least i try to be careful.
     

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